“The reason for it all will never leave my mind!” (Part 1)

At 27 I’ve heard it all before and it never attracted me to change my life. Like most skinny guys feeling worthless I was telling myself I was happy with who I was. For the most part I was happy…… who am I kidding?! I hated everything about my life. Now I’m not about to divulge every aspect of my previously worthless life on my first blog post, but I will tell you something. I was always taken for the fool. Relationships crumbled before my eyes (even though I had not been single for more than six months since the age of 17 – serial monogamist). Respect was something I had to constantly fight for. And for some reason I kept choosing work that left me miserable.

Now I did have family and friends who tried to encourage me as much as possible; but even they were loosing faith in me. Great! I was at the end of my tether. Another failed relationship left me crying alone. Why was I crying alone you ask..? Where was my friends? Well I moved to a different town for college and it was just me, myself and I for a year and a half in a two bed apartment. A college course that I only chose to ‘keep up’ with my girlfriend at the time, she was on her way to do her masters in medical physics.

Unfortunately I turned my hobby into a college course and I hated it. Computer programming was the demon that kept me up late, in the pub and slowly helped me loose the will to live. Along with ever growing depression; I was also repeating exams for the second time in two years, to which I had even less interest than the year before.

But this isn’t all doom and gloom! There was a big bright light in front of me but I never had the courage to reach out before!

So there I was three weeks into a feeling sorry for myself state, just after breaking up with my girlfriend who had no interest in me anymore and all sense of pride and control was out the window. What was I going to do now? Where was I going to go? I knew I needed to make a change. I hated everything about myself. How I looked! How others looked at me! What I was doing! Where I was going in life or lack thereof! That was IT!!! F%$k it!!! No more pride to loose anyway. So I called my cousin, my uncles son, and he called up that very day. What was about to happen next would forever change the course of my life. However, that will have to be continued…

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